Friend, think about repentance.
God insists that we have it, develop it and repent in full surrender to Him.
Have you done this? Is it ongoing in your life? ( After all, we sin every day!)
God loves the humbleness that pervades our soul when we have a repentant heart.
After repentance comes renewal in Him. This is the heart He can speak to and hears what He is saying.
Many there are who think they have nothing to repent for, as all sinful actions or thoughts were the result of someone else's behaviour towards them. They had a bad childhood, they were poor and had to steal, they were treated badly by someone and had to become delinquent so others could see their pain, and feel their pain when they themselves became the abuser.
Friend, God knows it all and sees everything and knows your innermost workings. He's waiting for you to repent and ask for His help. You could have done it long ago , but you chose another path.
Now is the time to repent. Those top layers of sinful thinking, and living that you know about are covers for a myriad number of layers that are yet to be uncovered.
The Holy Spirit wants to help you peel off the layers and look inward at the state of your soul. He has the healing balm to apply when each layer is ripped off and thrown aside.
Friend, allow the healing to begin. Reach out to Jesus who died for your sins and ask Him to help you to know what to repent of first. And then do it.
Be brave and courageous with the Spirit's help. Stay the course and grow in Godly things. He will get rid of the pain. You will remember, but no more with pain, just with the knowledge that the old path that was leading to death for your soul has been barbed wire closed to you. Now you are walking in the Garden of God and He is your Saviour.
Repent and be redeemed into the family of God.