Friend, there are so many testimonies, so many lives changed, so many people who have been saved - bought from a life of suffering, turmoil, indecisions, abuse, refusal to believe in a Holy God and numerous other worldly thinking - by Jesus's Sacrifice, so do not despair in the hole that you have dug for yourself, and wallow there.
Rather, look around and see that there is no hope and with that realization, look up and see that He is nailed to the Cross at Calvary for you and your situation.
He has made a Way where there seems to be no way out for you.
Reach up your arm and outstretch your hand and He will show you great things and save you from falling ever lower into the hole of insanity and helplessness.
He is your Help in any time of need. Accept His Sacrifice for the sins you have committed, the biggest one being unbelief in Him.
Many are they who have a testimony of following after the world and all it's traps that were presented to them from childhood as "the way our family believes", or from adolescent/adult "know it all " thinking that led to following after every whim that was presented on television, movies, vidoes, games, books, music that lead to unbelief in a Holy God.
The Christian churches are full of believers who have come in from the world to be renewed and grow in Grace and receive Mercy. You too, can be one of them.
Is your soul ready? Meditate and think on who God is and you will come to the realization that he is Holy and must be Holy.
It's a decision, a choice. Choose soon, friend!